Mirthmellow Thaves Crithmath -- Jake H.'s Crowning Achievement
Let me tell you a story
That takes place in a house.
Not a creature was stirring,
But Mirthmellow Mouse.
It was getting near to Christmas
And Santa was mad,
For he was impeached,
Which made everyone glad.
It was almost time to vote,
And the Elves formed a queue.
They made no eye contact with Santa,
But really, would you?
In an anger filled rage,
Santa put the ballot box up high
Where no elf could reach it,
Not even the tall guy!
And that’s how it started.
I hope you enjoy.
I’m sure that you’ll like it
When Squadron-7B deploys.
PART 1- The Recruits
“General Vladimir Sir,” said Mirthmellow in his happy, Yorkshire accent, “The new recruits from Yule are ready.” There was a long pause
“Is it even worth it anymore,” Vladimir questioned slowly.
“Sir don’t…”
“Seven years!” he snapped, “Seven years we’ve been fighting this war. We’ve lost thirteen squadrons of the most elite soldiers we could find to one man.”
“Give ‘em a chance. They’re a highly trained group from the east side of Yule.” He paused, “There is a psychotic despot out there and you’re going to just…”
“They can’t…” he yelled
“They can! Just stop being so cynical.”
Vlad began to get a headache. 195 Soldiers from the thirteen squadrons have been lost over the seven year war. Each were composed of fifteen of the most elite elves in the N.R.E.T. (Northern Resistance Elf Force). Vladimir could hear the clamor of their screams at night. It haunted him. But he wouldn’t let anyone see it. He had to protect his legacy of toughness. This legacy started with his great Babushka in Kazakhstan. Her name was Tamilya and Vladimir’s grandmother, who was six at the time, was Yana.
Tamilya’s husband, Nurik, had always been feuding with his brother, Nuro, who was a rich and powerful man. He and his wife had no children and envied Yana. It came to a point where Nuro was so psychotic that he killed Nurik and was about to kill Tamilya in hopes that he would become Yana’s guardian. But then, She took Yana and fled to Orsk in southern Russia, and then to Surgut. There, she changed her name to Anfisa and changed Yana to Vladlena. This is where Vladimir gets his name. Three decades passed and Anfisa had died. She had to work too hard to provide in a foreign land without Nurik, and it aged her to fast. Nuro was still alive though, and he had a new prize. Vladlena was married and had a son by then. His name was Nik after Nurik. Nuro followed them all the way to Gydanskaya Bay where conditions are only liveable by Vladimir’s bloodline. They weren’t just normal people. At the bay, they met sailors heading to O. Rudol’fa aka Rudolf Island
(The fact that Rudolf is a “Christmas name” simply coincides with the fact that it is also the northernmost island of Russia)
He calmed “Take them to Mulac. If he approves them, I will go ahead with the introductory rites.”
“A-And… S-Sir. Its hard to say but… Jess Lavender was able to infiltrate the workshop… but they took her” Said Mirthmellow in a shakey tone.
Vladimir slammed his fish on the table and clenched his teeth. Jess was the most skilled spy the agency ever had.
“You better hope these recruits are hardy” he said through a hard look.
PART 2 - Almost Training
“Alright recruits,” said Mirthmellow trying to sound authoritative, “Lets hurry this along. First off, I’m Mirthmellow Mouse, and if any of you laughed at that, get out. I am named this way because I am half Marshmallow, half mouse, and always happy. Second, each of you must be able to work harmoniously or else you’re out. Third, you have all been assigned names that go along with your personality. When I call your number, listen up. I’ll go in alphabetical order. Numbers 3, 8, and 14 are Anthony, which means “Praiseworthy”,” he laughed, “Get it, it’s a joke. Next, number 7, you are Arianna which means “silver” or “holy”. Number, 1 you are Constantine, which means “firm”, “steady”, or “stable”. Number 4 is Jake which means “supplanter”. 13 is Josh which means “God saves”. 10 is Julia which means “youthful”. 2 is Katie which means “Pure”. 11 is Lauren which means “laurel-crowned”. 9 is Nick which means “victorious”. 12 is Riley meaning “valiant”. 15 is Robert meaning “bright” or “famous”. 5 and 6 are Victoria and Tori meaning “winner”.
Mulac Urphinteginhydn’Megen Banec VI was partially a Sagacious person, but also an ostrich loving lunatic and part time pyro. He eventually went bankrupt on a visit to Greenland and joined the Resistance. Then the recruits got there, they were stared down by Mulac. He looked into their souls and decided that they didn’t need training and approved them.
“Shouldn’t we be more prepared,” a recruit asked.
“I have legitimate reasons, so don’t complain; I must officiate what I am here for. I just got a call from Laiv Dimr, the smart one, and she said that we have to move now.” said Mulac.
“Wait wh…” In walked a giant ostrich.
“This is D’Booshka, Get on!” Vladimir and Mirthmellow were already on and explained on the way. Double Agents Kip and LaFawnda were in the workshop posing as toys. They had told the N.R.E.T. that Santa is getting old and indisposed, so he is hiring the A.R.M.Y (Allegiance of Reindeer Mercenaries of Yule) to help him. It took an hour for us to get to O. Rudol’fa, where the first base was established. From there, we crossed the ocean by haggling with a cruise ship and came to a large iceberg with a very industrial-looking factory. Everyone went inside to confront Santa. Mulac went to find and destroy the hoard of weapons and Vladimir went in first. Santa had been waiting.
PART 3 - Nuro
“How cute,” Santa snickered. He was a lot older than anyone expected, “You want to kill me again! I suppose you’re all hoping that 14th times a charm, eh.”
“Don’t patronize us Santa, if that is even your real name!” snapped Vladimir.
“Oh Vlady,” he laughed, “You have your grandmother’s eyes.”
Vladimir and Mirthmellow stood shocked. They knew then that it was Nuro looking for Vladimir. He was all he wanted.
“Everyone leave. I’ll stay here. I’m what he wants.” Vladimir said slowly.
“No” everyone said simultaneously.
“Fling me!” said Mirthmellow. The recruits got the sling that they brought and flung Mirthmellow into Nuro’s mouth. Nuro began to choke and fell. He was defeated. The factory exploded when Mulac set of all of the explosives in the weapon hoard when he was playing with fire.
After the whole thing was over, the election went back on. Riley was elected Santa, Robert was elected Vice-Santa, and Josh even became the M.I.S.S. Clause (Man in Santa’s Sleigh). There were also tons of 20/20 specials and “Where-Are-They-Now’s” on the rest of them. Some were corrupted by the fame and the spotlight. Some starred beside George Clooney. But they all lived happily ever after. Well, they did obtain some psychological problems and PTSD, but I mean, they were ALIVE. However, nobody knew if Mirthmellow got out of the factory. Some think he’s long gone. Some think he’s drinking from a coconut in Fiji. Me? What do I know? I’m just a happy Mellow with tons of mirth.
So peace was brought north
And also to Vlad.
And all the elves from Rudol’fa to Yule
They were quite glad.
Well, it’s been fun,
And there were some jokes,
But I guess that for now,
That’s all folks
Let me tell you a story
That takes place in a house.
Not a creature was stirring,
But Mirthmellow Mouse.
It was getting near to Christmas
And Santa was mad,
For he was impeached,
Which made everyone glad.
It was almost time to vote,
And the Elves formed a queue.
They made no eye contact with Santa,
But really, would you?
In an anger filled rage,
Santa put the ballot box up high
Where no elf could reach it,
Not even the tall guy!
And that’s how it started.
I hope you enjoy.
I’m sure that you’ll like it
When Squadron-7B deploys.
PART 1- The Recruits
“General Vladimir Sir,” said Mirthmellow in his happy, Yorkshire accent, “The new recruits from Yule are ready.” There was a long pause
“Is it even worth it anymore,” Vladimir questioned slowly.
“Sir don’t…”
“Seven years!” he snapped, “Seven years we’ve been fighting this war. We’ve lost thirteen squadrons of the most elite soldiers we could find to one man.”
“Give ‘em a chance. They’re a highly trained group from the east side of Yule.” He paused, “There is a psychotic despot out there and you’re going to just…”
“They can’t…” he yelled
“They can! Just stop being so cynical.”
Vlad began to get a headache. 195 Soldiers from the thirteen squadrons have been lost over the seven year war. Each were composed of fifteen of the most elite elves in the N.R.E.T. (Northern Resistance Elf Force). Vladimir could hear the clamor of their screams at night. It haunted him. But he wouldn’t let anyone see it. He had to protect his legacy of toughness. This legacy started with his great Babushka in Kazakhstan. Her name was Tamilya and Vladimir’s grandmother, who was six at the time, was Yana.
Tamilya’s husband, Nurik, had always been feuding with his brother, Nuro, who was a rich and powerful man. He and his wife had no children and envied Yana. It came to a point where Nuro was so psychotic that he killed Nurik and was about to kill Tamilya in hopes that he would become Yana’s guardian. But then, She took Yana and fled to Orsk in southern Russia, and then to Surgut. There, she changed her name to Anfisa and changed Yana to Vladlena. This is where Vladimir gets his name. Three decades passed and Anfisa had died. She had to work too hard to provide in a foreign land without Nurik, and it aged her to fast. Nuro was still alive though, and he had a new prize. Vladlena was married and had a son by then. His name was Nik after Nurik. Nuro followed them all the way to Gydanskaya Bay where conditions are only liveable by Vladimir’s bloodline. They weren’t just normal people. At the bay, they met sailors heading to O. Rudol’fa aka Rudolf Island
(The fact that Rudolf is a “Christmas name” simply coincides with the fact that it is also the northernmost island of Russia)
He calmed “Take them to Mulac. If he approves them, I will go ahead with the introductory rites.”
“A-And… S-Sir. Its hard to say but… Jess Lavender was able to infiltrate the workshop… but they took her” Said Mirthmellow in a shakey tone.
Vladimir slammed his fish on the table and clenched his teeth. Jess was the most skilled spy the agency ever had.
“You better hope these recruits are hardy” he said through a hard look.
PART 2 - Almost Training
“Alright recruits,” said Mirthmellow trying to sound authoritative, “Lets hurry this along. First off, I’m Mirthmellow Mouse, and if any of you laughed at that, get out. I am named this way because I am half Marshmallow, half mouse, and always happy. Second, each of you must be able to work harmoniously or else you’re out. Third, you have all been assigned names that go along with your personality. When I call your number, listen up. I’ll go in alphabetical order. Numbers 3, 8, and 14 are Anthony, which means “Praiseworthy”,” he laughed, “Get it, it’s a joke. Next, number 7, you are Arianna which means “silver” or “holy”. Number, 1 you are Constantine, which means “firm”, “steady”, or “stable”. Number 4 is Jake which means “supplanter”. 13 is Josh which means “God saves”. 10 is Julia which means “youthful”. 2 is Katie which means “Pure”. 11 is Lauren which means “laurel-crowned”. 9 is Nick which means “victorious”. 12 is Riley meaning “valiant”. 15 is Robert meaning “bright” or “famous”. 5 and 6 are Victoria and Tori meaning “winner”.
Mulac Urphinteginhydn’Megen Banec VI was partially a Sagacious person, but also an ostrich loving lunatic and part time pyro. He eventually went bankrupt on a visit to Greenland and joined the Resistance. Then the recruits got there, they were stared down by Mulac. He looked into their souls and decided that they didn’t need training and approved them.
“Shouldn’t we be more prepared,” a recruit asked.
“I have legitimate reasons, so don’t complain; I must officiate what I am here for. I just got a call from Laiv Dimr, the smart one, and she said that we have to move now.” said Mulac.
“Wait wh…” In walked a giant ostrich.
“This is D’Booshka, Get on!” Vladimir and Mirthmellow were already on and explained on the way. Double Agents Kip and LaFawnda were in the workshop posing as toys. They had told the N.R.E.T. that Santa is getting old and indisposed, so he is hiring the A.R.M.Y (Allegiance of Reindeer Mercenaries of Yule) to help him. It took an hour for us to get to O. Rudol’fa, where the first base was established. From there, we crossed the ocean by haggling with a cruise ship and came to a large iceberg with a very industrial-looking factory. Everyone went inside to confront Santa. Mulac went to find and destroy the hoard of weapons and Vladimir went in first. Santa had been waiting.
PART 3 - Nuro
“How cute,” Santa snickered. He was a lot older than anyone expected, “You want to kill me again! I suppose you’re all hoping that 14th times a charm, eh.”
“Don’t patronize us Santa, if that is even your real name!” snapped Vladimir.
“Oh Vlady,” he laughed, “You have your grandmother’s eyes.”
Vladimir and Mirthmellow stood shocked. They knew then that it was Nuro looking for Vladimir. He was all he wanted.
“Everyone leave. I’ll stay here. I’m what he wants.” Vladimir said slowly.
“No” everyone said simultaneously.
“Fling me!” said Mirthmellow. The recruits got the sling that they brought and flung Mirthmellow into Nuro’s mouth. Nuro began to choke and fell. He was defeated. The factory exploded when Mulac set of all of the explosives in the weapon hoard when he was playing with fire.
After the whole thing was over, the election went back on. Riley was elected Santa, Robert was elected Vice-Santa, and Josh even became the M.I.S.S. Clause (Man in Santa’s Sleigh). There were also tons of 20/20 specials and “Where-Are-They-Now’s” on the rest of them. Some were corrupted by the fame and the spotlight. Some starred beside George Clooney. But they all lived happily ever after. Well, they did obtain some psychological problems and PTSD, but I mean, they were ALIVE. However, nobody knew if Mirthmellow got out of the factory. Some think he’s long gone. Some think he’s drinking from a coconut in Fiji. Me? What do I know? I’m just a happy Mellow with tons of mirth.
So peace was brought north
And also to Vlad.
And all the elves from Rudol’fa to Yule
They were quite glad.
Well, it’s been fun,
And there were some jokes,
But I guess that for now,
That’s all folks